


(206) missed calls

by flwryuriz



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, its kind of bittersweet im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:33:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23804662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flwryuriz/pseuds/flwryuriz
Summary: soonyoung waits for a call that never comes.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	(206) missed calls

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work ever and its shitty as hell and im vv nervous but yeah.. its very angsty oops
> 
> come yell at me! [twt](https://twitter.com/sparklejihoons) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sparklejihoons)

soonyoung watches himself in the mirror, the heavy bass matching the steady pace of his heart, breathing laboured and heavy.

once he finally ends his routine he allows his shoulders to slump and his knees to bend and places his hands on the floor in front of him. 

the song continues to play, repeated, yet soonyoung doesn't bother to pause it and instead lays down on the cold studio floor.

this song, this routine, is two years old; it's the first solo piece he's ever done, and the first original song he's done.

the song was written and recorded so long ago, it feels like it never even happened at all.

but at this point, it feels like that's what happened to all his memories with jihoon.

god, jihoon. he hasn't seen him in over six months, since jihoon's birthday last year.

he knows what he did and he knows that things can be patched but jihoon doesn't like talking or being read and soonyoung makes him do that, in a way that soonyoung never does intentionally but jihoon always ends up doing. (soonyoung doesn't push jihoon to talk, ever. he knows it makes things worse.)

soonyoung never expected it to go anywhere anyways, he always knew that his feelings would never, ever, be returned, but he certainly hadn't expected that he'd be locked out of jihoon's life so easily.

maybe it was the alcohol, or the burning in his chest, or maybe just the aching desire to get rid of the pain, because even before soonyoung drank he knew the mistakes he was making but he did it all anyway.

all his memories with jihoon, are now somewhat blurred, except the one. the one where he tells jihoon everything, from the start of one and a half years ago to the pain to the string of sorry's.

the face jihoon makes is as if he finally understands, and while shocked soonyoung can see that there's anger underneath his eyes and soonyoung understands that he's fallen in love with the wrong person.

soonyoung remembers leaving the bar, walking home feeling sober, taking a cold shower, and then nothing else.

these past six or seven months have blended together; he doesn't talk to his friends often anymore much less does he go out.

he follows the daily routine of class, library, cafe, studio, home— on the weekends it's cafe, studio, home. 

his friends reach out every once in a while but soonyoung doesn't check his phone, he leaves it in his apartment and checks it in the morning and at night.

he doesn't need it during the day; he focuses on his two majors (his dad would've never allowed him to major in dance if he hadn't also taken business) and works his days away and tries to forget, forget, forget.

but every night when he finds his phone on his nightstand he reads their last text threads over and over, he checks the voicemails over and over, and he falls asleep waiting for a call that never comes.

_____

on the day of his birthday he almost forgets, packs his bag for the day and checks his planner, almost out the door when he hears his phone ring, and it's his mom (he doesn't talk to her much anymore either), and only then he remembers he's already twenty one.

his mom asks how he's celebrating and soonyoung swallows his spit and lies through his teeth and says "i'm eating with my friends, that's all," but he doubts his friends would have even remembered his birthday if not for facebook.

he scrolls past all the happy birthday wishes and says thank you to everyone and leaves his phone in his apartment again, picking up his laptop and his keys without a second thought.

he forgets it's his birthday, and drowns in essays and presentations and iced americanos.

when he steps into the studio his juniors wish him a happy birthday, and before he can wonder how they know he opens the door to the room he always uses and is greeted with eleven of his friends, wonwoo holding a cake.

soonyoung smiles and puts his things down and makes a wish, still quiet even while everyone is in conversation until he snaps out of his stupor and notices that everyone is looking at him and realizes they don't even know what he's up to these days.

when they push him with questions he responds with one sentence answers, he can see the worry behind their smiles and scrambles to smile cheerfully and assure them that he's okay, just busy.

when everyone is left to their own conversation wonwoo walks up to him and flicks his forehead for not responding to his messages, and when soonyoung says that he leaves his phone in his apartment during the day the eleven of them make a huge outburst of whys and hows.

soonyoung shrugs and comments that he doesn't need it, all he does is work all day.

they all ask about why he's still working and soonyoung mentions that he chose to skip summer break and take his next semester already, and he feels small under their gazes.

they all look at him with blank and surprised faces, because soonyoung was notorious for socializing and procrastinating but these last seven months all he does is work, work, work.

when jeonghan asks him why and what's wrong soonyoung answers with a shrug and it's clear that they can feel the distance that soonyoung is placing between himself and everyone else. (they know what's wrong anyways, soonyoung thinks.)

they continue their conversation and soonyoung becomes painfully aware of the time, and sighs when he realizes he hasn't practiced yet but his boss comes in and tells him he can have the day off.

soonyoung mutters something about wanting to practice and the eleven of them cheer him on when they ask him to perform a routine, and when he's done with his latest one for a choreography commission he recently took up, the eleven of them gape at him and say that soonyoung has improved even more over the last several months ("as if he wasn't talented enough,", jeonghan says).

soonyoung laughs and rushes to the practice room's computer when he realizes that it's jihoon's song that will come up next on the queue (he uses the same hamster USB every time) and thankfully when soonyoung isn't fast enough to stop the beginning notes from playing his friends choose not to say anything even though he knows they recognize it.

when their conversation continues they all talk about what they're doing recently, and when mingyu accidentally mentions jihoon amidst the conversation soonyoung can feel pairs of eyes on him but he doesn't say anything and allows seungkwan to continue the conversation naturally in the way he does. 

at the end of the night when everyone leaves and soonyoung is closing the studio as always wonwoo offers to walk him home and for once soonyoung doesn't refuse. its silence as they walk until they are a block away from soonyoung's apartment and wonwoo says that jihoon is doing okay and they're all taking care of him and he is happy and not overworking himself.

soonyoung doesn't comment and instead whispers a thank you when he hugs wonwoo goodbye when they reach his apartment.

when soonyoung gets home and he's done with his routine he checks his phone and responds to everyone, and as his eyes began to droop he hears a familiar ringtone that he hasn't heard in a long time (it's the only one he still has), and he opens his phone and is greeted with a message that he was waiting for for so long but strangely enough he doesn't feel anything when he sees it.

_11:58pm_

**jihoon**

happy birthday

  
  


soonyoung's fingers ghost over the keyboard, and though he's rehearsed over and over again in these past seven months what to say he doesn't know what to reply. so he doesn't, and shuts off his phone and allows himself to drift away.

___

the next morning when he's done packing his things, he places his phone in the pocket of his bag, and heads out the door without looking twice.

he doesn't need it, but he's not avoiding it anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> no one asked but basically soonyoung doesn't bring his phone with him because he doesn't like to think about jihoon, but every night he ends up thinking about him anyways. at the end he can finally bring his phone with him again because he isn't scared of thinking of him anymore.
> 
> soonyoung graduates a bit earlier than the others and works at the studio he interned in while he was at uni, and he never really reconciles with jihoon but they do see each other very rarely when soonyoung actually goes to gatherings. soonyoung also gets over everything!!! yay but it is sort of sad so whoops


End file.
